NLP Technology of Achievement:

Guidelines for Effective Conflict Resolution

• get the commitment of all persons involved to come to a solution acceptable to everyone

• agree on using the six-step approach to effective problem solving (see below)

• only those people directly involved in the conflict should be included in the problem-solving

• don't start the process unless you and the others have set aside a sizeable block of time for it

• don't start the process with one fixed, preconceived solution or a number of alternative solutions. The important thing that you and the others remain open to new solutions.

Guidelines for the Six Steps of the No-Lose Method

1. Identifying and Defining the Problem

   • your statement of the problem should be expressed in a way that does not communicate blame or judgment

   • ask the other to state his or her position and to get his or her feelings out, else he or she wont be ready for the remaining steps; use active listening if the other initially gets angry or defensive

   • try to understand each other's feelings

   • define the problem in terms of conflicting needs, not conflicting solutions

   • be sure both of you accept the definition of the problem

2. Generating Alternative Solutions

   • be creative in generating possible solutions

   • discourage evaluation until a number of possible solutions is proposed

   • if things bog down, state the problem again

3. Evaluating the Alternative Solutions

   • take special care that both you and other are honest

   • use active listening

   • test solutions carefully, or you increase the chance of ending up with a poor solution

4. Decision-Making

   • don't make the mistake of trying to persuade or push a solution on the other - mutual commitment to the solution is essential for its implementation

   • when you are close to a decision, state the solution to make certain you both understand what you are about to decide

5. Implementing the Solution

   • immediately after a solution has been agreed upon, talk about its implementation: who, what, when, how

   • show complete trust that the other will faithfully carry out the decision; don't talk about penalties for failure to implement a solution at this time

   • don't delay too long before confronting the other in case he or she fails to carry out tasks

6. Follow-up Evaluation of the Solution

   • after a while, ask how the other feels now about the solution

   • have an understanding that decisions are always open for revision, but neither of you can unilaterally modify a decision

NLP Technology of Achievement

Dealing with Rude & Unfair Clients

• Just because they are being negative, you don't have to be rude or defensive - concentrate on the problem, not the person

• While trying to resolve the conflict, keep in mind that you cannot change the past, only the way it's remembered. Similarly, you cannot change the future, but you can influence it based on what you do now, in the present.

• Search for a solution in cooperation with your client; re-focus his or her attention from the problem to the solution - ask him or her, what is it you can do to resolve the conflict.

Related Chapters of the Business e-Coach:

Ten-Step Guideline for Resolving Inner and Outer Conflict